Human Fondue
Lyrics by David Cameron Anderson, Davecamson Music ASCAP
Music by Elizabeth Doyle, ElizabethDoyleMusic ASCAP

I have a friend who will go unnamed
Who's husband, it seems, simply cannot be tamed
Though married a couple of decades or so
He's a tireless and sensual beau
Tho not worn out his welcome - he's worn out the futon
The one we..they attempted the entire Kama Sutra'on
And lately, this beast is in the randiest of moods
As he pants his way through a pantry of foods!

If you've ever melted chocolate for a human fondue
You've discovered that it's harder to remove than Elmer's glue.
Once the smearing and the giggling and the romping is complete
You've got laundry to attend to
You've got gunk from head to feet!
The sheets will never be as white as they've been before
The duvet is in the dumpster.
There are footprints on the floor!
The carpet in the bedroom needs a soak and then a Hoover
Your private's need a toothbrush it's a rather tense maneuver!
You'll need some scissors to cut dreadlocks that have matted up his underarm hair
You'll need an auger to unclog'er but I caution you to use it with care!
What could you have been thinking?
What on earth was your excuse, when you decided you could easily turn your man into a mousse?
If he's looking for an encore then it's time to change the locks
In the future you will choose to keep your chocolate in the box!

Lyrics ©2003 D.C. Anderson. Unauthorized reproduction is a violation of applicable laws