Dairy Airs
Lyrics by David Cameron Anderson, Davecamson Music ASCAP
Music by Elizabeth Doyle

In private my wife is a sensitive gal  (my husband's a sensitve man)
She accepts and supports all my quirks
In public, however, she assaults my morale     (he does all he can)
(to be a) She can be a rude little shithead that irks    
Of late s/he's been making a flagrant display
Gregarious, loud and verbose
I'm requesting herewith that s/he stop making hay
Of the fact that I can't swallow lactose

Don't go putting on dairy airs
Just because you can handle a shake
Don't go putting on dairy airs
While I'm choking on chocolate cake
'There must be a pill',
S/he says with a gloat
I took it, I'm still holding onto the bloat
What's behind all your dairy airs
You moo juicin' cheese chompin' snake

Hand her/him a cone and s/he's shouting, 'Oh Boy!'
Then s/he grants me a grin as s/he bellows, 'Got soy?"

Don't go putting on dairy airs
'Cause you dip all your cookies in milk
Don't go putting on dairy airs
Grade school boys are the bulk of your ilk
And pie a la mode, that curse of a course
If I eat it, I'm handing her grounds for divorce
There's a crack in your dairy airs
Would you like I should fart through this silk?
(Spoken): I didn't think so
Then I'll keep tofu chewing and cow's milk eschewing and you will stop doing that smug little thing with your face - Everytime that we're out anyplace!
In private - my wife is a sensitive gal (my husband's a sensitive man)

Lyrics ©2003 D.C. Anderson. Unauthorized reproduction is a violation of applicable laws