Couldn't We Just Settle This
Lyrics by David Cameron Anderson, Davecamson Music ASCAP
Music by Jeff Rizzo

Man:
I need to see your drivers license Ma'am
You were moving well above the posted speed
Your safety belt was clearly not in use
I have to question whether you can read
You were trav'ling on the wrong side of the road
Your headlight's in a state of disrepair
You ignored a traffic signal 2 miles back
and your registration sticker is not there

(pause)

Woman:
Couldn't we just settle this with sex?
My insurance rates will rise up through the roof!
Can't we just get cozy in your car?
till we make that silly ticket there go 'poof!'
Officer you need to help me out
My house is just a mile beyond the bluffs
If you'll follow me I will not tell a soul
and there's still a chance you'll get to use those cuffs

Man:
Excuse me Ma'am my scrambled eggs are cold
and this creamer has a nasty moldy ring
I asked for butter and got boysenberry jam
for biscuits and got chicken a la king
my knife has got a baked on cheesy crust
My fork is missing 3 of it's five tongs
you charged me twice for food I never did receive
Perhaps your manager will right this list of wrongs?

(pause)

Woman:
Couldn't we just settle this with sex?
The two of us together in the back?
What about some whoopie in the walk-in?
How'd you like a little after breakfast snack?
My boss is in a really snarky mood
You've an awful lot of tension to release
there's no telling all the fun that can be had
in the store room with a tub of bacon grease

Woman:
Your doctor's due to visit you today
She'll be awfully disappointed when I tell
you've refused to eat your jello or your juice
She won't take this information very well
your sample cup sits empty on the tray
your thermometer's been spit out on the floor
she wants you up and out of bed and there you sit
What will I say when she comes walking through that door?

Man:
Couldn't we just settle this with sex
with some giggles on a gurney in O R?
Can't you pull the curtain 'round my bed
I can show you where the doctor hid my scar
Nurse, I had a thought while you were out
A dream about a burger and some thighs
you and me, the moonlight and that sponge
and some percodan away from doctors eyes

Duet (harmony):
Handier than a handshake, messier than the mail
cheaper than a cashiers checkĘ - a trailblazing use of tail
a nifty little problem solver, salvation on a stick
a compromise, an exercise, a course in thinking quick
Seven words to live by, easy to recall
Couldn't we just settle this with sex - for one and all!
Couldn't we just settle this with sex - if you've the gall!

Lyrics ©2003 D.C. Anderson. Unauthorized reproduction is a violation of applicable laws